The original paper trail

To this day, I don't know what made me decide to start writing...and I am absolutely clueless as to what made me continue. Looking back on the first couple years of poems, written few and far between, makes me cringe. Those original poems combine the simplicity of Dr.Seuss (whom I adore), the girlishness of a dog show poodle, and the distracted attention span of a child no older than 8. I don't know why I kept writing, but I know exactly where I began.

My grandpa's studio was my favorite room in the house. It had a wall of  windows that looked out to the backyard and twenty foot ceilings that allowed you to feel as though no idea was too big for this room. We would draw, color, create, imagine, and play. I used to sit at the computer and play games or write random things while Under the Boardwalk played loudly from the stereo...or sometimes some Ray Charles or Andrea Bocelli. I loved to watch him work while he fixed a Flow Blue dish or sketched out a new stained glass window...but he always encouraged me to do something of my own.

I am not sure that I will ever share THE original poems with the world...but I'm comfortable starting a few years in. So...here is one of many...entitled Doorway to my Future

I quicken my stride and think of years passed.
Finally, I reach my destination.
I wasn't sure where I was going, but somehow I know this is it.
As I grasp the doors handle, I feel my past and present coming together;
Suddenly making sense...
And I know everything was worth it.

Every pain, every mistake;
The failures, the faults.
All of it was worth it just to get here.
Now I stand in the rain, at the doorway to my future,
Not wanting to go in.
Knowing that if there is no rain on my face to feel...
That I can't be sure that this is real.

So here I stand, letting the rain wash over me.
Erasing my fears; fueling my heart;
Preparing me for the world ahead.

Perhaps I'll go in.
Maybe one day...someday soon.
Maybe I'm just not ready.
But at least now I know
Where the doorway to my future lies.